Emotional Punch
by Barbara Hannay
The book mentioned by Barbara to illustrate this article is A Bride at Birralee, which will be released in the UK in January 2003, and in Australia in February 2003.
“...your writing lacks the degree of emotional punch we need for
this line...”
This is one of the most common reasons editors give when they
reject manuscripts. Unfortunately, it’s not an easy problem to
solve, because to a certain extent, the emotional quality of writing
depends on the writer’s personality.
For some people, emotions are always bubbling close to the surface
and feelings pour out easily when they write, but if this doesn’t
happen for you, don’t give up. There are some practical approaches
that might help you to pin down this elusive quality.
Let’s start by analysing the term “emotional punch”. It’s tempting
to concentrate on the first word and to think that if you’ve
included plenty of beautifully described feelings you’re on the
right track. But think for a moment about the other word - the
“punch” factor.
A punch brings an image of a clenched fist - of a blow delivered
with maximum force. It catches you by surprise and gets you in the
guts. Sufficient emotional punch gives your story the “wham” that
sets it apart from others.
I believe the first challenge is to find a scenario that keeps your
characters (and readers) on edge.
Think of the simplest, but most widely known stories - Red Riding
Hood, lured to her doom by the ultimate predatory male...
Cinderella, trapped in the original dysfunctional family ...
Rapunzel, stolen as a baby and locked away...
Without fail, these characters have a hard time before they reach
their happy endings.
Romances are modern fairy tales and the most popular plot lines -
secret babies, marriages of convenience, pregnant and alone
heroines, reunions, switched at the altar scenarios - all set up
situations that create easily recognisable emotional dilemmas.
Beginning writers often have very light conflicts with no real
threats to the characters’ happiness. To get emotional depth, you
have to find ways to crank up the difficulties your hero and heroine
face.
Let me digress for a moment. For many years now, I’ve walked for an
hour a day, but I haven’t been able to lose weight. Recently, I read
an explanation. My fat cells have become very ho-hum about this
familiar exercise. I needed to give them a bigger challenge. So I’ve
added hills to my walking regime and I’m swimming on alternate days
and at last, I’m starting to see results.
Similarly in writing romance, you need to ‘up the ante’. You need to
raise the emotional stakes in your plots by including bigger
challenges.
Recently, I had the idea of a single, city girl, who discovers she’s
pregnant around the same time she’s offered the research contract of
her dreams - to work on location for a television network in various
isolated locales in Europe. But... taking the baby isn’t an option.
She goes to the outback to ask the baby’s father (country based
boyfriend) to care for the baby for the time she’s away. However, he
wants legitimacy for the baby and proposes a marriage of convenience
(with the hope of keeping her).
OK - there was enough for a story, but I wanted more emotional
punch. How could I increase the problems? A story in the local paper
gave me an idea. What if she gets to the outback and discovers that
the baby’s father has been killed in a mustering accident? Now it’s
his grieving older brother who wants to keep the baby in the family
and proposes the MOC! Getting better, but I needed internal
dilemmas. For the heroine, there was the motherly dilemma of
abandoning her baby. I made this more complicated by adding doubts
about her ability to be a good mother. Her own childhood had been
spent in and out foster homes, because her mother had been an
alcoholic and couldn’t care for her properly.
For the hero, I chose guilt about his brother’s accident and the
added pressure of the high expectations of his close-knit family and
conservative, Federal politician father.
And then my editor suggested an overriding problem - a past
encounter for the central couple just to give an edge to their
sexual tension.
So now I had a tense couple, guilt and grief over the brother’s
death, another man’s baby on the way, the threat of the heroine’s
pending departure, her insecurities and the conservative attitudes
of the hero’s family - at last I had the punch I was looking for.
Think about your current heroine and hero. Do they face dilemmas
that take them out of their comfort zone? Are they troubled by
internal doubts? Are they wrestling with self image problems -
feelings of not being worthy enough to earn the unconditional love
of another?
If not, think about how you can make life harder for them - at least
for a time. This will mean giving serious thought to both the
external and internal conflicts they must face.
Even if you’re writing comedy, you need these dilemmas. Give them external pressures that won’t let them ignore their internal angst. And then on top of this, give them a burning attraction that only serves to make the existing tensions more difficult.
Of course, you can give your hero and heroine the biggest dilemmas
in the world and there still won’t be much “emotional punch” if you
haven’t created characters your reader will really care about.
Would millions of people around the world have cared so much about
Princess Di’s death if they hadn’t already loved her?
Think of a dark moment in a book or a movie that has really moved
you. How did you feel about the characters at the very point the
disaster occurred?
How had you felt about them three chapters earlier? Chances you were
already very connected. You loved and admired them, worried about
them - even feared that this sadness, or something like it might
come.
If you want to create such lovable characters in your own writing,
you, the author, must love them first. And this kind of love grows
the way all love grows - from knowing them intimately.
Whether you plan your characters in a detailed profile before you
start, or whether you let them grow as the story evolves, you have
to get inside them. You have to explore their goals, their
background, their values and fears... and most importantly, their
ability to change.
I’ve become so involved with my characters that I’ve lain in bed at
night, worrying about their future (beyond the book). I knew their
love was solid, but would they stay healthy? Would they have
children? Would they have money problems down the track?
I was quite shocked to realise I’d “lost it” to the point that I’d
tricked myself into thinking of my own creations as real. But if we
can suspend our own disbelief, we’re probably on the road to making
the characters come alive for our readers.
Remember to give your readers enough details to help them to see
your characters the way you do. Show how your characters feel, not
simply by describing their inner thoughts, but by showing the way
their feelings affect their dialogue, body language, gestures and
behaviour.
The last point I want to make is for me, as a writer, the most
important. It’s why I write.
You need to use words with the same care and flair that an artist
uses colour. This is the writer’s responsibility. Editors give
advice on plotting and characterization, but how these are expressed
is up to you.
Be exacting. Measure the emotional weight of every word so that each
sentence paints exactly the right picture!
Words that seem totally unrelated to emotion can help to build up
the atmosphere in a scene. Choose verbs precisely to describe the
emotion behind a movement or gesture. Your hero’s feelings become
clearer if, instead of merely sitting, he slouches, slumps, sprawls
or settles.
Add layers to the emotional tone by finding words or phrases that
evoke an idea and then let the image echo through the book. My
current heroine is a mixture of toughness and dignity. She walks
like a proud princess, but she has a smoky, tough-girl voice and
I’ve tried to bring this out in varying, recurring ways.
Another version of this technique involves a hero labelling a
heroine with a well chosen nickname ( or vice-versa).
Use elements of your setting to enhance emotional tone - weather,
colour, sounds and smells are helpful in outdoor scenes. Harness the
impact of nature. Bright gardens, deserted beaches, shadows...
moonlight... gloom-gathering storms... crashing waves... They’ve all
been used before, but for good reason; they bring atmosphere into
your scene.
Urban and interior settings can be just as effective. In movies, set
designers go to enormous lengths to coordinate every detail to
achieve the exact visual impact the director wants. You are your own
director. Simple or lavish, objects chosen with care can create an
important sense of atmosphere. Clothing, purposefully described can
add to a mood. Has your character selected a garment with meticulous
care or has she thrown it on hastily? Does it make her look more
beautiful, more vulnerable, less prim, more noble?
Pay attention to the rhythm of sentence patterns. For dramatic
tension, short sharp sentences can be effective. Longer, more
flowing sentences can soothe or seduce.
Read your work aloud! Listen to the impact of the words you’ve
chosen. Try to ensure that each word contributes to plot or
characterisation and emotion.
But remember, enough is enough.
Too many plot dilemmas without relief will give your poor reader
nervous exhaustion. Remember you need quiet or fun-filled moments
when love can blossom and the reader can draw breath.
When your characters are faced with highly charged, emotional
dilemmas, don’t let them become too self absorbed or neurotic. They
will have faults, but they must also have backbone and spirit. Their
courage and compassion must win through!
And when it comes to putting emotional colour in your writing, be
cautious with purple (prose)!!
To sum up, these are the ingredients of Emotional Punch:
One: Choose plot situations that create deeply emotional
dilemmas for your characters. Make your characters suffer.
Two: Create characters who are believable, likeable and
courageous. Readers want to respect your characters. Make the
hero and heroine truly heroic.
Three: Let your love of writing flow onto the page. Weave a
word-spell around your readers!
Barbara's website is at http://www.barbarahannay.com/ (c) Barbara Hannay 2002